She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
