i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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