I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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