i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
