what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
