I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
BRING THE BAGELS
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
