Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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