drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
