Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
