I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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