i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
