Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
