Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
