We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
