$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
