she takes plan B like it's going out of style
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
