Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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