everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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