Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
