i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
