i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
