Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
