Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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