i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Green mimosas i think yes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
