Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
