On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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