It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
