I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
