we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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