margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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