i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
