I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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