Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
