That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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