Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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