Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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