I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I am spending my child support on dildos
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
