Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
