It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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