my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
