so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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