Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
