best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
