Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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