We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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