I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
