At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
