oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have demons in me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
