You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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