mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
