I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
