I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
