how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
